


Deja Vu

by Willbakefordean



Series: Golden Slumbers [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Infertility, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-09 18:08:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4359080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willbakefordean/pseuds/Willbakefordean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has a bug...or does he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I must remind my readers that Golden Slumbers is a fic about infertility.
> 
> Also I realize the title is not spelled with the correct accents, but I couldn't figure out how to do it.

Dean was exhausted. It was mid October and he was helping Benny organize the annual post trick or treat event at the diner. Today he was online ordering all the little toys and prizes for the gift bags they gave to each child. He had been yawning for the last fifteen minutes and nursing Jack while he laid against his chest in the sling he loved to be carried around in. Dean was one of those parents, the kind who carried his baby all the time unless he was sleep. Before having Jack, he thought he would be different, but having a baby brought out even more of his nurturing personality. As he shopped, he looked down at Jack nursing away and was glad he had chosen to stay home and raise his baby. But now he wished he could place his order so he and Jack could go crawl into bed for a couple of hours. With a few more clicks, he wrapped up his session and headed to the bedroom for a nap.

Benny was changing into his diner uniform, a white cook’s jacket and black checked pants, when Dean woke. Jack was still asleep as Dean rubbed his eyes and yawned, still feeling tired. He carefully extricated himself from Jack and whispered hello to Benny, wrapping his arms around his husband and kissing the nape of his neck. “You alright, darlin’?” Benny asked, voicing his concern. “You’ve been napping a lot lately, more than usual.”

Dean peppered kissed from Benny’s ear down his neck before answering, “I’m fine babe, just fucking exhausted lately. I wonder if Jack and I aren’t coming down with a little bug or something, I’m beat and he’s not nursing like he usually does. I have to kind of  convince him it’s me at first. Then he’s fine and nurses, but it’s almost like his tummy is off.”

“Want me to call Rufus and stay home tonight?,” Benny offered. “No, no we’re not that bad, we’ll be fine,” Dean dismissed Benny’s concern and stretched his arms over his head, before heading into the bathroom to relieve his full bladder. He seemed to be in the bathroom a lot more lately. Maybe the small change in Jack’s nursing could affect that, Dean thought to himself.

Benny peeked in the bathroom and said goodbye before he left. “See you tonight, sweetheart. Baby’s still out like a light. I’ll come check on you when I can.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “I shouldn’t have said anything. Babe, we are fine. There’s nothing to check on.”

“Well then, maybe I’ll just steal a kiss and cop a feel of that sweet ass of yours, how’s that?” Benny teased.

“In front of the baby Benny, you kiss your husband with that mouth?” Dean feigned offense at Benny’s snarky comments.

“The baby is sound asleep in the other room and you bet I do and that’s the plan when I get home tonight if my husband isn’t too tired,” Benny shot back.

Dean washed his hands and glared at Benny playfully, “You better carb up while you’re down there, smart ass. You’ll need the energy.” With a quick peck on the lips, Benny left for his shift at the diner.

Jack was up within the hour and Dean gave him a bath. He filled the baby tub in the kitchen and laid a towel out on the counter to put Jack on for drying and diapering. He undressed Jack and placed him in the warm water, covering him with a washcloth so he wouldn’t feel cold. He washed his hair and rinsed it, then using warm water from the sink with no soap, he wiped his face clean.

Jack smiled and cooed, making little funny noises. Dean couldn’t resist answering every one of them, “Is that right, Happy Jack? You mean every word, dontcha? Daddy’s big boy, making big boy noises. Now let’s wash those arms and legs in all those little fat rolls you’re sportin’ lately. Dean had learned to get in the creases or poor Jack would get irritated skin. He looked like the Michelin Tire man more and more every day. He talked to Jack as he washed the rest of him including his little fat bottom. Dean would never get over how cute his little butt was, with little dimples. He lifted him out of the water and dried him off carefully.

He took his time rubbing lotion into every nook and cranny Jack had. The smell of Johnson and Johnson’s baby lotion was like heaven on earth, to Dean.  It stood for clean baby with wet hair and big blue eyes, an image pleasantly burned into Dean’s memory. He diapered his son and then put him in a t shirt onsie and a little blue and white striped romper with a monkey on the front. “Come on my little monkey boy, you’ve waited long enough to eat. He dumped the tub and put it back in the laundry room, depositing all the towels and washcloths in the hamper. He put the basket of bath supplies with the tub and then settled into the rocker in the living room to nurse Jack.

Dean struggled to get Jack to latch on even though he knew he must be hungry. Finally he got him to settle down and nurse, but jumped at the initial few sucks, wincing in pain. It subsided, but it surprised him not less. He looked at his nipple when he switched sides, to see if he had a blister to any other injury that sometimes happened when he fell asleep while nursing. He found nothing, so he chalked it up to a fluke.

He gave a very full Jack some tummy time on a quilt on the living room floor.  He laid on the floor in front of him and made faces and noises at him. Jack lifted his wobbly head up off the quilt, making noises back at Dean and pushing up on his arms a little. Eventually Dean turned him onto his back and went about his evening picking up the house and eating a little dinner. He really wasn’t hungry, so he ate a little fruit and a sandwich. He was trying to eat when Benny came in on his break. He kissed Jack who lay on the couch next to Dean as he watched the food network.

“He smells so good after his bath, doesn’t he?” Benny asked Dean. He nodded and took a bite of his sandwich. He chewed and tried to swallow, but he gagged and couldn’t get it down.  He chewed and chewed, but for the life of him, even though Benny was staring, he could not swallow his bite of sandwich and had to spit it into his napkin.

Benny felt his forehead and kissed him, “You alright, Dean? You’re kinda making me nervous.”

Dean wanted to answer that he was perfectly fine, but he felt unwell. He could not put his finger on it, but he wasn’t quite right. “Maybe not, Benny. I feel off and it’s getting worse, not better. I think I’m fine, but I do think I’m coming down with something.” Dean felt himself wilting as Benny spoke to him.

It was a Thursday night, so Benny ran back down to the diner to see if the staff including Aaron as secnd line cook could handle the diner alone. He said he would call Alfie in if necessary and urged Benny to take care of his family. Dean was a little shaky as Benny tucked him into bed. “Sleep Dean, I’ll feed the baby if he’s hungry, alright. There is plenty of milk in the freezer. Get some rest, darlin’.”

Dean woke up in the dark, and could tell Benny was pressed up against his back with a hand on his hip. He had a sudden urge, an unforgettable urge and he ran for the bathroom. He vomited several times before he realized Benny was rubbing small circles into his back. “Alright, darlin, let it come, let it come up.” He put a cold cloth on the back of Dean’s neck and Dean could not help but whimper.

“Benny, I know this feeling and I don’t think it’s a stomach bug.” Dean moaned, leaning over the toilet bowl.

“I know…I had a feeling this afternoon when you woke up just as tired as you went to sleep.” Benny soothed, rubbing Dean’s back. "Makes sense as to why Jack won’t nurse. I looked it up earlier and it says if you’re nursing and get pregnant the hormones can make the milk taste different and the baby has to adjust. That, with the exhaustion and the nausea…I think we better call Cas in the morning.”

Dean nodded and stood to rinse his mouth at the sink. “Benny, you okay if we are. It’s soon and the baby’s so small still,”

Benny pulled Dean into his arms and stroked his fingers through his hair, “All I ever wanted since I met you was a family. I’m okay, are you going to be okay. You have to go through it all again.”

“I feel the same way and we certainly were not trying to avoid getting pregnant. I’m not getting younger and we better take them as they come before I get too old, you know?” Dean said as he melted into Benny’s arms. “Let’s call in the morning, but now  I wanna go to bed.”

*****

Dean slept well and woke feeling a little bit refreshed. He heard Benny with the baby in the living room so he got up and went out. He was a little nauseous, but nothing like in the night. Benny told Dean he had called Cas who had an order waiting for them at the hospital lab and when Dean felt up to it they could drive over and have it done. Benny made him some toast and Dean pumped before he showered since Benny had fed Jack a bottle. They drove to the hospital and Dean had his blood drawn and they went home. It would be a long wait until Monday when Cas would call with the results. They spent a quiet weekend, Dean felt good and bad at times, but nothing overwhelming. He was definitely on edge and had a hard time not telling everyone who called over the weekend, but he and Benny would share the news first.

*****

By eight thirty Monday morning, Dean’s cell phone rang and it was Cas. Benny smiled and pulled Dean onto his lap ignoring the fact that his husband was 6’1”. Dean grinned at him while Cas made small talk. “Jesus Cas you’re killing us! You’re on speaker phone, spill it! Please!” Dean pleaded.

“How’s Friday at eleven for your ultrasound work for you?” Cas asked the couple.

Dean and Benny shouted and hugged before Dean answered, “We’ll be there. Thanks, Cas.”

“Congratulations Dean and Benny. You deserve it. Balthazar says the same.  We’ll see you then. Take it easy. It’s harder with a baby at home, especially if you’re nursing. Sleep when he does for a few days and start your hypnosis for nausea. “ Cas directed Dean.

“I’ll make sure of it, Cas,” Benny assured their friend. They hung up and Benny laid Dean on the counch and pulled his shirt up, blowing raspberries onto Dean’s belly before covering it with sweet kisses. “I love you little baby, I love you already. And I love your daddy, very much, and your brother.”

Dean choked up at Benny’s sweet affections. “You alright, darlin’?”

“I’m fine you sappy little shit, quit making me cry,” Dean answered before pulling his husband up for a kiss. “I love you, you silly ol’ bear!”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Benny begin to reenter the social world with a trip to Grandma and Grandpa's house and Sam and Jess have an announcement. Ellen works part time for the CIA!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter changes the rating of this part of the series. I kind of wanted to give a glimpse of what the boys day is like and explain why there hasn't been a lot of family interaction.

There was a buzz throughout the loft after the call from Cas on Monday and the following days were full of soft touches, shared kisses and cozy snuggles. Dean and Benny were so grateful for their little family. A new baby on the way and their Jack was so much fun at three months. He held his head up and was sleeping a five hour stretch at night, which was a big relief for Dean and Benny. During the day he still slept a couple of hours at a whack three times a day.

Jack had settled into a comfortable schedule for his doting parents. Most mornings he woke at five, but Benny changed his diaper and brought him back to bed where Dean nursed him and the family got another hour and a half of sleep.  When Jack woke again, anytime between six-thirty and seven, Dean got up with him, and nursed him in the nursery. Benny got up, showered and made breakfast while Dean gave Jack a morning washing up before dressing him for the day. Jack was so verbal early in the morning. He would kick his arms and legs and make sweet baby noises, talking as Dean put it. Dean would bring Jack in his bouncy seat into the bathroom as he grabbed a quick shower and got ready for the day. Benny loved hearing Dean talk to their son as he went through his morning routine.

The two dads ate breakfast while Jack sat in his bouncy seat on the table. Jack spent the bulk of his morning in the sling with Dean, while he and Benny went about their days. Benny worked on paperwork and ordering for the diner and Dean did some work for the garage and some house work, mainly baby laundry, though they shared the chores and worked together on grocery shopping. They often took a morning walk to the park  or went to the store as a family, before nursing Jack again at eleven and putting him down for a nap while Benny made lunch. Dean usually napped at this point while Jack did and sometimes Benny came to bed and then Jack was the only one who got any sleep.

Jack was up to nurse by one-thirty and they put him on his play mat on the floor under his activity gym. He was actually reaching for the hanging toys already. Benny left for work as Dean was nursing Jack between two-thirty and three, and Jack nursed again at about four-thirty and took one last nap. Dean often ate dinner during Jack’s nap, though sometimes they went to the diner for dinner and were the center of attention. Between six thirty and seven Dean gave Jack his bath and a massage with baby lotion. He put him in pajamas and read books to him while he nursed and then he held him and they would snuggle while Dean watched television.  About nine Dean changed him one more time and nursed him before putting him to bed for the night. Sometimes Benny would sneak upstairs before bedtime to read Jack a story himself or at least say goodnight.  It was times like that Dean was glad they had chosen to live over the diner. Benny was usually home by ten and Jack woke about two in the morning to nurse before their whole day began at five again. He was a great baby and he filled their days with joy.

Dean and Benny believed that Jack deserved to have their attention and an on demand schedule, so they had altered their social life to give him that. They were just beginning to branch back out to more gatherings and get togethers. Mostly people had come to their house to visit.  It was Wednesday, Benny’s day off and they were going to Ellen and Bobby’s for dinner with Sam and Jessica. They were looking forward to getting out and having a change of scenery that wasn’t the park or grocery store. 

Packing the diaper bag, Dean called out to Benny, “Hey Benny? We aren’t going to be home for bath time, what do you think of bringing some stuff and letting Ellen give him a bath at her house?”

Benny came around the corner grinning, “I think that would be a great surprise, and Bobby would love it too. He’s so damn cute at bath time, lately. Ever notice how big and blue his eyes look when his hair is wet?” Dean nodded with warmth in his own eyes at how fondly Benny spoke about Jack and with such detail. For being a dad who worked a full time job, he certainly made great efforts to be an integral part of his son’s daily routine, but he wasn’t often home for bath time, so his observation meant even more to Dean.

They piled into the car with enough equipment to open a Baby’s R Us and headed to Bobby and Ellen’s. Early fall was chilly at night, so Dean had put Jack in a warm but comfortable cotton set he had gotten at target. He looked adorable in the navy and white striped pants and a navy long sleeve tee that read _I get my charm from my Daddy_ , with a matching navy and white striped jacket. Dean chose not to drive, he was nervous bringing Jack out of his routine, so he felt better sitting with him in the back seat. Benny shot loving glances at Dean in the rearview mirror finally saying, “You do realize he’s just visiting his grandparents and aunt and uncle, and it’s not the Spanish Inquisition, right?”

“Am I that obvious, babe?” Dean asked sheepishly, catching Benny’s eyes in the mirror. “You’re a little obvious, but it’s why I love you and why Jack’s so happy. Don’t sweat it.”

The drive passed quickly and as Benny helped Dean out of the car and grabbed Jack’s car seat to carry him in, he asked, “You know they are going to want to hold him the whole night and it would be unfair to keep him in the sling, right?”

“I’m not that bad, Benny!” Dean laughed, but he could tell his face would give him away so he turned away from Benny. “Don’t worry darlin’, you’ve got one sure thing going for you.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Dean asked as they were walking to the porch.

Just before Ellen flung the door open, Benny leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Nobody here can breastfeed but you.”

Dinner was great, it was nice not to have to worry about any of the work. No one would let Benny or Dean lift a finger. Ellen had practically grabbed the car seat from Benny when they arrived and Jack had been passed around from person to person and seemed okay with the whole situation, so Dean felt himself relax. They were eating Ellen’s pear, apple, and blackberry pie, Dean was picking at his, just like he did his dinner, though Benny never said a word, when Jack cried for the first time. Sam had him and brought him over to Dean, saying, “I don’t have the equipment he’s looking for, here you go Daddy.”

Benny brought Dean the diaper bag and Ellen showed Dean a little changing table she had set up in the back corner of the family room. It was fully stocked with all the things specific things that Dean used for Jack.  There was a rocking chair next to it and next to that a brand new pack n play portable crib with little forest animals all over it.  “I had Bobby clean this up and get the old rocker out for when you come over and for any time you might want me to watch him,” Ellen said as she smiled warmly at Dean and the baby.

Dean heart melted a little and he saw in that moment that maybe he had been a bit overprotective and though Ellen and Bobby came over often enough, that just maybe he was being a bit selfish with their grandchild. He handed the Jack to her saying, “Here Mom, why don’t you change him, you’ve got everything you need there. I’ll just get comfortable in the rocker.”

Ellen’s eyes lit up as she took that baby and expertly changed his diaper, all the while talking sweetly to him. As she was finishing and handing him to Dean, Jessica joined them. Dean adjusted the flap on his shirt and opened the nursing tank he wore as Jack honked and squeaked, readying to cry. He easily latched on and placed his hand alongside his face on Dean’s chest and nursed away happily. He almost looked like he was trying to hold on, it was adorable.

The two women watched the smooth interaction between father and child with shining eyes and then Jessica asked, “When are you due?” Dean startled and looked at her, swallowing thickly. “What?”

“Listen Dean, the men may be stupid in this house, but we are not. Plus a pregnant person, knows another pregnant person, it’s automatic,” Jessica said matter of factly.

“Wait, you’re…what they hell is going on here,” Dean asked, covering Jack’s ear and looking from Jess to Ellen.

Ellen crossed her arms like she did when she meant business. It was completely different from her body language when she had changed Jack and it made Dean smile a bit that this bossy, usually tough cookie could be so sweet and tender. “Jess and Sam are going to tell everyone that they are expecting, but we know you are too and are wondering if that’s what you planned on doing as well.”

“How far?” Dean asked. “Three months. How about you?” Jess countered.

“I don’t know, we don’t have a way to calculate like you do from your period, so we have to wait for the ultrasound. I just found out on Monday and we go to see Cas on Friday. How did you know?”

“You have a look when you are pregnant, can’t describe it, something in your face just changes. Bobby and Sam are clueless as the day is long about that, but I thought they would at least notice how much you ate, or didn’t eat really, especially when Benny kept eying your plate but not drawing attention to it,” Ellen explained with a smile. Jess nodded in agreement. Dean put his arm out to Jessica who came willingly and he hugged her and said “I’m really happy for you. You’re gonna be a great mom, you’ll love it.” He continued, “I still swear that you work for the CIA Ellen, and maybe you too, Jess. Would you mind sending Benny in here and give us a minute?”

“Sure thing,” Ellen said as she leaned over and kissed Dean on the head and brushed her hand over Jacks fuzzy hair. “You feel alright, want something different to eat that might appeal more?”

“Do you have the stuff for a milkshake?” Dean asked hesitantly.  
“Sure thing sweetheart, how about with a bunch of berries in it I picked from this summer?” Ellen asked.

“Sounds great, thanks Mom.”

Benny came in and Dean explained how the girls had known and did he just want to tell everyone and get it over with or wait. “We didn’t wait last time hon, and you may need help if your morning sickness gets bad. I don’t mind spilling the beans now if you don’t,” Benny said softly. Dean picked up Jack to switch sides and leaned in for a quick kiss. “Okay, I say let’s tell if Jess is okay, don’t want to steal her thunder. Can you ask her to come back in?”

Jess and Ellen came back in with Dean’s shake, which he took a big sip of through the thick straw Elllen had put in it. “Benny and I weren’t planning on saying anything until after the ultrasound, but know that you two know, we are willing to tell the knuckleheads if you don’t mind. If you want the news to yourself, that’s fine too. It’s special and we don’t want to step on your toes.”

“I say double whammy, especially Bobby! It will even be more special now that it’s both of us. Dean, our kids are going to be close cousins and I couldn’t be more thrilled. You and Benny are great dads, and honestly I’m nervous I won’t be as disciplined and self sacrificing as you. You’re much more…” She sucked in a breath and stopped herself but Dean understood and finished it for her, “ _Maternal_ than you thought I’d be?”

Turning bright red she answered, “Yes, but in the best way…if that makes sense?”

“Jessica, you always speak your mind and do it with that sweet heart of yours. It makes complete sense, and it surprised the hell out of me too. Don’t worry; you’ll be a great mom, a natural.”

They went back to the living room where the guys were setting up monopoly and Dean nodded at Benny. The two couples broke their news, Sam and Jess first giving them a chance to bask in the congratulations, then Dean and Benny, making Bobby’s mouth drop open. “Well, I’d say that seals the deal on you being a grandpa for sure now, huh?” Dean teased the shocked man who had already so easily embraced jack as his own. “Here Grandpa,” he said, handing a wiggly Jack to Bobby, “You’re gonna need the practice.”

Dean shared a private moment with his little brother while everyone else fussed over Bobby and the baby. “So Sammy’s gonna be a daddy!” Dean said hugging a nervous looking Sam close.  “You’ll be great Sam.”

“I ought to be, with you as my example Dean,” Sam said, suddenly serious. Dean stiffened a little and felt the heat creep into his ears as he blushed. “You were a really good dad to me Dean when John couldn’t be, I hope you know how much I appreciate that, and you are so good with Jack. I’m really lucky I had you and Jack is the luckiest baby ever to have you as his dad from day one. I’m really proud of you, Dean.” Dean cleared his throat, fighting back tears. He refused to let go of Sam till he had his emotions under control. Finally, he pulled back and said, “You were always a good kid, Sam. You always were grateful and understanding when we didn’t have everything and if Jack is half the man you are, I’ll be doing just fine.”

*****

Benny and Dean left in time to get Jack ready for bed. Ellen had given him his bath and she was patient and let Dean tell her how he liked things done. “I really have to let Ellen watch the baby once in a while. She looked so happy taking care of him,” Dean commented on his thoughts. Benny agreed and suggested maybe while grocery shopping or if Dean wanted to just go over and take a nap and let Ellen watch him he slept.

Dean nursed Jack and slipped him into his crib. He remembered when they had made the transition from the bassinet in their room to starting him in his own crib. Dean and Benny must have checked on him fifty times the first night, while Jack took it all in stride. Benny and Dean stood over him tonight and watched his tiny mouth continue to make sucking motions as he slept away. He had beautiful coloring and sweet fat cheeks and he slept with his fist balled up by his face, relaxed and peaceful. They tiptoed out of the room and headed out to the living room. Benny grabbed Dean by the wrist and gently pulled him into a hug, kissing him suggestively.

“How are you feeling tonight, darlin’? Belly okay? You didn’t eat much at dinner,” Benny said, rubbing his hands up and down Dean’s back and pecking kisses to his nose and forehead and chin, before settling to his lips.  Dean opened when Benny found his mouth and they shared deep kisses.

“I feel pretty good, babe,” Dean said between kisses that were so good his eyes fluttered shut.

Benny kissed his way over to his ear and whispered low, “Do you want to feel even better?”

“Sure, how do you intend to do that?” Dean asked playfully.

“It involves a lot less clothes and a lot more kisses,” his husband said as he suddenly reached down and grabbed Dean behind the knees and lifted Dean into his arms. Dean squealed at the surprise but in the manliest way possible. He wrapped his arms around Benny’s neck and hung on for the ride, shouting, “Take me to bed or lose me forever!”

“Did you just quote Top Gun at me?” Benny laughed as he carried Dean and tossed him onto the bed. He knew Dean would not be comfortable without a towel under them, so he grabbed one quickly and then crawled on the bed to Dean looking like he would eat him alive. Dean opened his legs and Benny slid between them and held himself up on his arms which framed Dean’s face. “I love you darlin’, I was so proud f you tonight. You were so relaxed and happy, it was really sexy.”

“Really? How sexy was it, there bear?” Dean asked as he lifted his head off the pillow to kiss Benny.

Benny returned the kiss deeply and a little dirty, pushing his tongue into Dean’s welcoming mouth and gently biting his bottom lip, “I don’t think words can really express how I felt.”

Dean raised an eyebrow and posed a question to his husband who still had him somewhat pinned to the bed, “Just how do you planning on conveying your sentiment then Mr. Lafitte?”

“I was thinking with this…” Benny answered with a roll of his hips.

“Ohhh,” Dean moaned grabbing Benny’s hips with both hands. “Then I would answer you back with this…” Dean rocked his hips grinding their groins together. He raised his legs to lock them around Benny’s thighs, who asked, “What was that? I didn’t quite hear you.” This time when Dean rocked up, Benny rocked down and both men groaned at the sensation.

Soon clothes were flying and hands were groping and mouths were kissing anywhere they could reach. Benny fumbled for the lube in the side table and then Dean gasped as a finger gently breached him. “Hurry, Benny,” Dean said as he rocked himself onto Benny’s finger. Soon there were two and Dean could feel Benny’s desire in his kisses. Benny’s eyes closed as he slipped his fingers in and out of Dean, reaching and searching for that one spot and as Dean cried out he honed in on it with a vengeance. They were both panting and Dean had his legs spread wide, shamelessly, hands on Benny’s face as his husband kissed him. He left a trail of kisses as he made his way to Dean’s chest and lavished attention to his sensitive nipples. Dean’s back arched as Benny’s mouth first found a nipple. Dean cried out loud as Benny began to time the drag of his finger along Dean’s prostate and a suck or bite to one of his nipples. “Benny, please…I’m gonna…I can’t…” Dean panted trying desperately to find the words he needed to get Benny to fuck him. He gave up and just pulled Benny urging him up and hoping he caught on. Benny got the hint and moved back so his arms framed Dean’s face like earlier and lined himself up with Dean’s helpful hands. Benny nudged forward gently passing through the tight ring of muscle of Dean’s opening, stopping to gauge the look on Dean’s face, making sure it never registered pain.  He inched forward all the while kissing and stroking Dean until he bottomed out. “Finally,” Dean whispered. He breathed and kissed Benny trying to rock his hips upwards, but he was forced by the weight of Benny’s firm body to be patient. “Alright, darlin’? You feel so good.”

“I’m ready Benny, move…please?” Dean whined as he grabbed to handfuls of Benny’s ass. He encouraged Benny as he began to thrust, “That’s it babe, come on, just give me what you got.”

“Love you Dean…so good…so warm…,” Benny moaned into his husband’s ear. Dean cried out as Benny shifted angles and began to hit his prostate with every thrust of his hips. Benny varied his thrusts between rocking gently and slowly to snapping his hips until you could hear their bodies slap together. Dean felt like time was suspended when he and Benny were joined like this. Nothing mattered but the two of them and their quest for orgasm. He kissed Benny but for the most part, the two men just huffed into each other’s mouths focused on the pleasure building in their bellies. Benny’s hips lost their rhythm and he reached between them to stroke Dean. Come on darlin’…come on…” Benny encouraged. Dean cried out, “Little harder Benny…more…there, there, there…fuck yes!” he shouted as he came, spilling over in Benny’s grip and back arching as his husband stroked him through his orgasm. Benny made it about four more strokes before grunting out, “Dean…fuck…love you,”

When Dean could register what was around him, he felt Benny getting up and returning with a warm wet washcloth. He cleaned up Dean’s belly and between his legs before tossing the cloth onto the tile floor of the bathroom. He pulled Dean close to him as they lay on their sides, asking, “You okay darlin’, need anything?”

Dean pulled Benny’s arm around him and simply said, “Nope…got everything I need already.”

Benny held on tightly as they came down from their lovemaking and he sang Dean to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments most welcome, and appreciated...love to know how I'm doing...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know you’re wondering what’s going on, but she didn’t look overly concerned about anything, just try to relax,” Benny told him, but he knew Dean had never had a screen turned away from him in all of the many ultrasounds he had done over the two pregnancies. He lay quiet and held Benny’s hand tightly. “Jack’s okay?” Dean asked as they waited. “Sound asleep darlin’,” Benny reassured him. Benny was worried and he did his best to hide it from Dean but it was getting obvious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the smack of angst, but it couldn't be that easy for the boys, could it?

It was Friday morning and both Dean and Benny were impatient for eleven to come around. They had eaten breakfast, well Benny had eaten, Dean’s stomach was off. He told Benny that he felt nauseous, but that it felt different this time and was mostly when he ate or thought about eating and not as overwhelming as last time. He did manage to eat some grapes, but it took a while. Time seemed to standstill; even playing with Jack didn’t help with the excitement.

  Finally, at ten, Dean changed Jack’s diaper and packed a bag with everything they would need to be out for the day. Sometimes they went to lunch in the bigger town where Cas’ office and the hospital were.  He even packed a bottle and a frozen pouch of breast milk, just in case. Neither knew how vital a move that was going to be.

Jack looked adorable as usual, Dean never knew what a sucker he would be for baby clothes. Today he had dressed Jack in a brown outfit that had Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, and Eeyore playing in a pile of raked up leaves. It was cotton and had pants, a long sleeve snap under the legs onsie and a jacket. Dean always chose cotton so Jack would be comfortable, Dean preferred cotton himself, why wouldn’t Jack. He had on little socks and a Winnie the Pooh, soft cotton hat.

By ten thirty they were on the road and buzzing with excitement. “Today we are going to see your new baby brother or sister, Happy Jack!” Dean told the smiling baby. “Yes we are, we aren’t going to see much, but on the machine we will hear the heartbeat and Daddy and Poppa like that, don’t we Poppa?”

“Yes we do, my darlin’, yes we do,” Benny answered unable to contain his smile at the excitement of another baby or the way Dean talked to Jack. If you had told Benny that the six foot one inch muscular mechanic he had fallen in love with would ever coddle and coo to a baby the way Dean did with his eyebrows nearly off his face and his eyes wide, mouth open and voice high pitched, he would have never believed it. He knew Dean would be a loving caring father, because he was a kind natured man, but Dean engaged Jack with conversation, scoured racks of baby clothes and read about introducing new foods after solely breastfeeding for six months like a man on a mission.  It was one of the most; no probably _the_ most endearing thing Benny had ever laid eyes on and the best part was Dean was _his_ husband. Benny wondered now and again how he had gotten so lucky.

They arrived at Cas’ office with five minutes to spare and Dean signed in as Benny found them a seat. The receptionist asked if any of his info had changed and when Dean said no, she told him to have a seat. Dean had waited to nurse Jack for his mid day nap in hopes that they would be a little behind and he could nurse him now and get him to sleep through the appointment and maybe lunch. Dean didn’t mind nursing most public places, but it always felt a little awkward if they were seated in the middle of a restaurant, hence the bottle in the bag. Benny unclipped the car seat harness and lifted jack to his shoulder, kissing his fat cheeks as he did and waiting for Dean to be ready. Jack was ready; as his little voice began to alert them both that he was hungry.

“Better hook him up soon darlin’, he’s tellin’ me it’s time to eat,” Benny whispered to Dean. He lifted Jack from Benny saying, “Who’s my hungry boy, huh? Ready, Daddy’s got you?” He laid Jack in the crook of his elbow just as he began to draw attention and effortlessly and discreetly adjusted his clothing to allow Jack to nurse. He had seen so many people struggle and make a major production out of nursing in public, but it seemed so natural and easy for him and Jack.  He watched the baby nurse appreciating their closeness of their relationship and when he looked up there were eyes quickly averted, but not before he registered the surprise of some and the familiar warmth of the other faces. He supposed he made quite an impression at his height and bulk, sitting in a chair that he dwarfed and nursing a baby.

The appointments were delayed enough that he got twenty five good minutes of nursing in and he was satisfied that would guarantee a quiet appointment. He also received an excited text from Ellen saying she and Bobby had gone on a parts run to the city but would be over tonight to see pictures, and one from Sam saying good luck and he and Jess would be by after they got out of court later today.

He handed Jack back to Benny, who covered Jack with a blanket and sang and rocked him to sleep while Dean straightened his clothes. Jack was ‘milk drunk’ as Benny called it and  carefully he set him back into the car seat and buckled him in, recovering him with the blanket and pulling the hood of the seat forward to block the harsh lights. “Thanks, babe,” Dean said and Benny gave him a quick peck on the lips just as a nurse called “Dean Winchester-Lafitte?”

They stood up, Dean grabbing the bag and Benny the baby, and made their way to the door. Many of the women smiled and made eye contact with Dean and he may or may not have blushed a little. Turned out it was not nurse but the ultra sound tech who called them back she showed them right to the room. “Lie back on the table and lift your shirt, please,” She asked as she clicked at buttons on the keyboard. When Dean was settled she reached next to her and grabbed a hand towel off a pile on a shelf. She laid it across his belly and tucked it into the waistband of his regular jeans. Dean wasn’t wearing pregnancy clothes yet. “This should not be cold,” she smiled as she squirted gel on his belly and began to move the transducer around with her right hand, clicking keys with her left. Benny held Dean’s hand and they both looked at the screen until the tech suddenly turned it out of their view. “Sorry, there was a glare,” She said though the lighting in the room was low to begin with. She continued to move the transducer around scooping up gel and trying new angles. “You’re going to feel some firm pressure for a few minutes,” was her next statement to the couple.

Dean winced a bit as she applied the pressure and Benny rubbed his shoulder as Dean squeezed his hand, winking and asked, “Are we allowed to see today?”

“I just need to find a few measurements for the doctor first,” she answered but when her eyes met Dean’s Benny could read concern. “Sit tight for a minute; I want to see if I got what Dr. Novak wants.” She left the room and Dean looked at Benny.

“I know you’re wondering what’s going on, but she didn’t look overly concerned about anything, just try to relax,” Benny told him, but he knew Dean had never had a screen turned away from him in all of the many ultrasounds he had done over the two pregnancies. He lay quiet and held Benny’s hand tightly. “Jack’s okay?” Dean asked as they waited. “Sound asleep darlin’,” Benny reassured him. Benny was worried and he did his best to hide it from Dean but it was getting obvious.

When the door opened it was Cas and the tech. Dean sat up, “What’s wrong, Cas. What is it?”

“Easy, darlin’,” Benny soothed as he wrapped Dean in his arms. The look on Cas’ face was enough to confirm what he had been thinking. He pulled Dean closer as Cas spoke, “Lie back down for me Dean. I need to get a look at you, I’m not going to hide anything, the tech thinks there is an issue and I need to check it out.”

Cas worked the transducer over the gel again and tried many different approaches. He clicked keys here and there and then turned the screen so the couple could see it. He pointed at the screen and showed them images as he spoke. “Here is your uterus, and this is your cervix, and the placenta. Do you see how the placenta is lying over the cervical opening? That is not a positive finding. It is usually indicative of a difficulty in the pregnancy. Do you see these darker patches here and here? Those are indicators of an issue as well. This is the baby, Dean. Do you see it? Dean, I am sorry to tell you that there is no heartbeat. The baby has passed away.”

Dean put his hand over his mouth as he closed his eyes, and Benny squeezed harder on the hand he was holding. It looked like it took a minute for it to really sink in, but when the tech used the towel to wipe Dean’s stomach of the gel and pull his shirt back down, Dean turned over and curled into Benny who enveloped him in his arms. Cas continued speaking to Benny, “I’m sorry, I really am truly sorry.”

“I know you are Cas, thank you. Dean’s gonna need a minute or two if you don’t mind.” Benny said as he leaned down to kiss a trembling Dean, “Breathe darlin’,  just breathe for a minute.”

“I have all the saved images so we can continue when he’s ready,” Cas responded gently.

“There’s more?” Benny asked, sadness in his voice. “Finish then, I need to get Dean home soon.”

The look on Cas’ face as he began to speak told Benny that Dean would not be going right home, “Do you recall these dark patches, I mentioned? They indicate that they baby past several days ago and that the tissue is deteriorating. We need to get you into the OR and give you a D and C where we surgically clean out your uterus and you need antibiotics. I think the nausea you are having is because you have a slight infection.”

“Why didn’t Dean pass the baby when it died, Cas?” Benny asked.

Cas responded, “Remember when I told you the placenta was over the cervix? I think it’s preventing Dean from spontaneously passing the baby out of his body, hence the possible infection.”

“I feel sick all of a sudden,” Dean said. “I’m gonna throw up.”

Cas grabbed an emesis bag and held it up to Dean just as he emptied his stomach. He vomited several times before it was over and the tech brought a wet towel for his face. Benny wiped his face well and put the cold towel on the back of his neck, “Breathe darlin’, just catch your breath.”

“Why, Benny…why?” Dean asked softly. Benny just held him as he shook and said, “I don’t know, I just don’t know.”

“Dean I am going to make arrangements for the OR at the hospital, you may want to call your family to help with the baby,” Cas said first to Dean’s back and then to Benny when he realized Dean was not going to respond. Benny just stroked Dean’s hair, knowing he got quiet when he was this upset. Cas and the tech left, leaving Benny and Dean alone with a sleeping Jack. Dean didn’t cry even then, so Benny knew he was in full shut down mode. He laid Dean back down on the ultrasound table and waited with his husband.

It was finally beginning to hit Benny that there was no baby. He stood next to Dean, who had his eyes closed and held his hand listening to breathe rhythmically. He was glad that Dean could fall back on the hypnosis when he needed it. Benny looked between Dean and the baby and couldn’t help it as tears trickled down his cheeks. Another one they wouldn’t get to know like they knew Jack, it was unbearable. Suddenly Benny felt Dean sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the table, pulling Benny into the v of his legs. He wrapped one arm around Benny’s neck and the other around his waist and buried Benny’s face into his neck. “It’s alright my sweet bear, we’ve still got Jack and we’ll be okay. You know in some ways I’m relieved.” He grabbed Kleenex that was sitting on the ultrasound unit and wiped Benny’s tears before wiping the ones that had started down his own cheeks.

“What do you mean, Dean?” Benny asked with a puzzled look on his face.

“I wake up most nights when Jack cries and when I go to get him or you bring him to me I always wonder who is there for Rosie. Does my mom come, or your mom or grandmam? Is she alone and sad with no one to love her or to play with? Seems silly, I know, but I’ve always wondered. I’m sad that we won’t meet this baby, but we have Jack and I couldn’t help but feel that Rosie was alone.” Benny’s tears began to fall in earnest again, but Dean remained remarkably calm and comforted him. Benny figured Dean would be more upset later, at the hospital, so he took the comfort before he knew he had to be strong for Dean. Dean kissed Benny and said softly…genuinely, “If it had to happen, at least I can sleep at night knowing that, for sure, Rosie isn’t alone anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave it there, but it was getting cumbersome and I wanted to show Benny's reaction to the loss before the shit gets real in the next chapter which will pick up right were we left of in this one...
> 
> btw...I make the medical shit up as I feel it necessary.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from bad to worse and Benny has to hold it together on his own.

When Benny got himself together, he helped Dean lay back down on the table and they waited to be told what to do next. It had been almost an hour since the beginning of Dean’s ultrasound appointment. Benny texted both Sam and Ellen to inform them of the sad news and asked them to come as soon as they could. It would be some time before Sam was out of court and Ellen and Bobby were on the far side of Kansas City and would be a while as well. When Benny got their responses he was concerned about balancing comforting Dean and taking care of Jack if he should wake up any time soon. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Cas followed after the knock coming with instructions for the hospital admission. He explained that they needed to head over to the hospital as soon as possible for blood work. He also informed them that the OR schedule was very full today and that as long as Dean wasn’t actively bleeding, they would probably have him come back in the morning for his procedure. He gave Benny a stack of papers to give to the lab and another to bring with him in the morning. They would receive a call late tonight to tell them what time to come in the morning.

Balthazar came in the room as they were finishing, saying, “I thought I would help you to the car, if that’s okay. I’m so sorry about the baby.” Benny helped Dean up and Cas gave him a hug, “I’ll walk you out, and I’ll talk to you later tonight when I have the time for you for tomorrow.” Balthazar grabbed the baby seat and Cas and Benny walked on either side of Dean as they headed out of the room. They had to stop at the desk to check out and pay their copay before they could head out for the hospital. Benny could sense Dean becoming upset and he pulled him in by the waist, kissing his temple. “Take me home, Benny…please? I wanna go home…” Dean buried his face in Benny’s neck. “Hey, hey darlin’, I’ll get you home as soon as I can, alright? Soon as I can…promise,” Benny soothed, brushing his hand up and down Dean’s arm.

They headed out to the car and Benny drove Dean across the street to the hospital. Dean felt well enough to walk with Benny from the parking lot. He didn’t want to be alone inside. Benny carried Jack, whom they both decided was an angel of a baby, in his seat and the diaper bag on one arm and kept his other arm snuggly around Dean’s waist.  They made their way to the lab and waited for Dean to have his blood drawn. Jack woke as they were waiting, so Dean nursed him and Benny kept an arm around his shoulders. As Dean looked down at Jack as he nursed, Benny could see the wheels turning in his husband’s mind and knew it wouldn’t be long before the reality of what they found out today hit Dean.

Jack was about done feeding when they called Dean’s name. “You hold Jack, Benny. I’ll be fine, it’s just a blood draw.” 

“Okay darlin’, if you think you’ll be okay,” Benny agreed as he took Jack from Dean, who nodded and kissed his husband. Benny nestled Jack back into his seat and buckled him in. Dean was behind the closed door for several minutes when three people came rushing through the lab and into the closed door, leaving a gurney in the hall. Benny sat up knowing Dean was back there and wondering what had happened. Everyone else in the lab waiting area who had family back there looked concerned as well. The lab tech who had called Dean back came over to Benny, as his heart leapt into his throat. “Mr. Lafitte, would you please come with me?”

“What is it? Where’s Dean? Is he alright?” Benny asked as he gathered the diaper bag and Jack.  She took his arm and escorted him beyond the door. They were passed by all of the other patients who were being ushered out of the room where the blood was drawn. Dean was sitting in a chair, surrounded by the three medical personnel who had rushed in. “I’m afraid your husband passed out when I was drawing his blood, so we had to call in the ER to assist us with his care,” the tech said confidently. “He did not fall to the ground, I was able to hold him in the chair with my body, but he may need to go to the ER given his current condition. We’ve put in a call to Dr. Novak.”

Dean looked up from the people talking to him as Benny came in and he cried out weakly, “Benny…” and then lost his battle to hold back his tears. “Oh Dean, darlin’, what happened, sweetheart?” Benny soothed Dean before looking to the female who appeared to be in charge of the situation by Dean, “Can I hold him…please?”

“Yes, just keep him in that chair while we get the gurney ready. Don’t let him stand. I’m Dr. Hanscum and we’ll be taking him to the ER for evalutation. Dr. Novak has been notified,” she explained but Benny was already on his knees and nestling a crying Dean in his arms, as Dean buried his face in Benny’s neck. “I wanna go home, Benny. Please….I don’t feel good and I want to go home now…take me home…” Dean let go and sobbed into Benny as he held his husband tightly in his embrace. “I know, darlin’, it’s alright…I’m here Dean, I’m here…”Benny rubbed Dean’s back as his tears slowed and he was left hiccupping and clinging to Benny. “It’s been a long morning darlin’, a hard day, I love you Dean. They are going to take you to the ER for a bit to make sure you are okay. Hang in there a little longer and when I can, I’ll take you home and we’ll snuggle in bed together, alright?” Dean nodded at Benny who helped him sit up. He kissed Dean chastely, but warmly on the lips.

Dr. Hanscum came up behind them, placing a hand on Benny’s shoulder, “Okay then, we’re gonna need to transfer Dean here to this stretcher. Alrighty, Boys?”

Benny wasn’t taking any chances and he wrapped an arm around Dean’s shoulders and one under his knees, “Hang on darlin’,” Benny warned as he lifted Dean in his arms and turned to the doctor. “Where do you want him?”

“Well now, that was easy wasn’t it?” Dr. Hanscum said as she patted the gurney, “Right here, please.”

Benny turned to grab Jack and the bag as the sides of the gurney were locked into place so Dean was secure. Dean reached for Benny and Dr. Hanscum said, “Here, put the little one on the gurney so you can hold your husband’s hand and give me the bag.” Benny thanked her gratefully and she chatted with him about the baby and what had happened this morning. She commented about how supportive they seemed to be with each other.

When they arrived at the ER Dr. Hanscum directed a team to get an IV started and get vitals. They started to undress Dean and he panicked a bit, but Benny inserted himself, setting the baby where he would be out of the way. “Let me help him get undressed, I’ll stay out of the way, but I don’t want him to get all worked up again. I can help him stay calm, please?” Dr. Hanscum nodded at the staff and Benny was allowed to help Dean out of his clothes and into a gown. He backed up and said, “I’m right here Dean, let them get to work now. Jack and I are right here,” Benny assured him. They let Benny hold his hand as he started his IV, Benny encouraging Dean to relax and breathe.

Cas arrived not long after Dean was settled and Dr. Hanscum, whom Benny decide he liked a lot, filled him in as to what was happening. The lab results had been rushed and the two doctors discussed them in the corner when they arrived. They spoke with the staff and people began to move quickly and gather materials. Cas came to see Benny and a very tired Dean, telling them what was going on. “Dean we have your lab results and they are not what we expected. You have very low hematocrit and hemoglobin numbers You should be at about 38 minimum for your hematocrit and you are  at 11. Your hemoglobin should be at 13.8 and you are at a 4. I think there may have been some bleeding in your uterus and we need to do your procedure today after we give you a few units of blood. If we don’t give you the blood and you should bleed, your blood won’t clot well and that would not be good. So we are going to type and crossmatch you and get you up to the obgyn floor for transfusion. We will probably need to keep you overnight for observation, have you contacted Sam and Ellen and Bobby yet?

Benny answered, “We did but Sam and Jess are in court until this afternoon at the earliest and Ellen and Bobby are in Kansas City, but on their way back now.”

“I’m cold, Benny,” Dean said as he reached for Benny’s hand. As they turned to look at Dean, Cas face went from friend to doctor in an instant. “Can I get a pressure please? And a finger crit. And a blanket from the warmer for Dean.” Benny could see a change in Dean’s coloring and it didn’t look good, even to a nonmedical person such as himself. Dean was clammy and sweaty and pale, his hands were freezing. “Dean, sweetheart, you alright?” Benny asked nervously. “I don’t feel good and I’m freezing.”

Cas pinched the fingernails on Dean’s  hands and pulled his eyelids down, “What’s that crit and pressure?” He was answered with a lot of numbers that made no sense to Benny but the level of concern in the voices did. “I want a rush on that crossmatch, now,” Cas said firmly but calmly.

 A nurse at a computer answered, “He’s in the bank, how many units Doctor?”

“I want one hung now and three in the OR. Let’s get an OR cleared now, please.” He turned to Benny and Dean, “Your numbers are dropping indicating a need to go to surgery now. We are going to have to put you under general anesthesia. We had talked about lighter anesthesia earlier, but things have changed. We are going to take you back as soon as we have an OR.”

Benny texted furiously on his phone before placing a hand on Dean’s chest and leaning over to kiss him. “Where’s Jack, I want to see Jack,” Dean shook as he spoke. Benny picked up the baby from the seat and placed him on Dean’s chest as the blood arrived and a nursed started a second IV for the blood transfusion. Dean leaned into Benny as he held a somehow still sleeping Jack on his chest. “Ow, Jesus, fuck that hurts,” Dean cried out. “It’s a large gauge for the blood, Dean. Sorry,” the nurse said. “Hold really still for me, it’s almost in.” She was placing the IV in the vein by his elbow as opposed to his hand.

Benny noticed Dean getting paler by the minute and Cas broke his thoughts telling him to grab his belongings, they were moving to preop. Benny grabbed the seat and the bag in one hand, one hand on Dean’s which were still holding Jack to his chest.

There was a bunch of mumbling Benny coud not make out until Cas spoke up and said, “We are gonna let him hold that baby until it’s time to go in, my orders, now move on to getting him to preop.” A nurse took the foot of the gurney and one took the head. Benny walked beside them reassuring a very nervous looking Dean, “Just breathe and hold Jack, Dean. Just breathe, I’m here with you.”

Once settled into preop there were questions galore and barely understood explanations about anesthesia from that department. Finally when they asked any questions, dean spoke up voice shaky, “I’m nursing, will any of this affect that?”

The whole room seemed to stop and look at Dean. Benny could tell by the look on all of their faces that at this point not nursing was the least of Dean’s problems. An anesthesia resident came over to him and said, “The medications they are going to give you will probably have an affect on your milk, but we can be sure to try to use pain meds that won’t after. You might be able to work your supply back up if you don’t take morphine after the surgery. I had my appendix out when I was nursing and I managed to build my milk back after. Dean looked resigned as he spoke, “NO morphine after.” He looked to Benny for support. “Did everyone here that? Dean doesn’t want any pain meds that will affect his nursing Jack. None, are we clear?” Benny saw the nurses and doctors make notes in the computer and someone approached him placing on wristbands that read, NO NARCOTICS.

Cas pulled Benny in for a hug, “I’m going to scrub, I won’t see you, but I’ll take good care of him. I’ll be there when they put him to sleep, I promise.” Benny nodded, afraid to speak. Balthazar appeared and said he would help Benny get to the waiting room.  A few minutes later a nurse told Benny it was time.

Balthazar had the seat and the bags as they walked down the hall with Dean towards the operating room. The bed stopped and Benny kissed Dean deeply saying, “I love you Dean. I love you and Jack loves you and we will be waiting for you out here. Relax and breathe, okay. Dean…come back to me, please. Come back to me and Jack. We love you.”

Dean choked out an I love you and stole several more kisses, nodding when Benny asked him to come back. He kissed Jack several times, then Benny again as he lifted Jack off of his chest. “We will see you in a bit.” The Dean was wheeled into the doors leading to the OR wing.

Balthazar helped Benny get to the waiting room and get Jack settled. It was two thirty and time for Jack to sleep. Benny was grateful that Dean had nursed him while waiting in the lab. He changed him and rocked him and sang as their beautiful son fell asleep like an angel. Benny bundled him carefully with his blanket and pulling it up over his face to block the light. He was holding Jack on his chest as he heard a ruckus come down the hallway. Sam and Jess, still in suits from court, and Ellen and Bobby had somehow all arrived at the hospital at the same time. They came bustling into the waiting room to find Benny with the baby sitting next to Balthazar.

Benny saw his family and they finally surrounded him, Jess and Ellen took Jack while Sam and Bobby sat on either side of him, embracing him and apologizing for being away when everything happened. Benny finally felt himself relax and it all seemed to sink in and hit him at once. He began to sob, silent shaking of his shoulders as Sam and Bobby held him. He cried for Dean’s suffering, for his fear of losing him, for Jack who needed his daddy and for what they had lost for their little family. He was overwhelmed and terrified and he let his family take over as they all waited together for news about Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Dean, poor, poor Benny. It gets better I promise...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean reflects on the previous year as a happily awaited event begins...

Dean was rocking Jack to sleep in his nursery as the first pains began. It was hard to believe it was a year ago yesterday that he had spent four scary days in the intensive care unit following his miscarriage. As he held  fifteen month old Jack on what was left of his lap against his enormous belly, Jack had become proficient at hanging on even in sleep, he felt the twinges of labor begin. Dean was happy to be pregnant though it had taken much coaxing and several weeks of seeing Pam for Benny to agree to try again. He felt terrible guilt over Dean’s short pregnancy and it’s dramatic end, even though Dean did not blame him. It was leftover fears and memories of his mother that caused that horrible guilt.

Dean begged God, Fate or whoever would listen for an uneventful pregnancy so Benny could relax and enjoy without worry that he was repeating his father’s callous ways. Dean did everything he could to reassure his husband that he was the loving, caring, thoughtful man he was. It had worked and this pregnancy had been a dream, with little or no morning sickness, though Dean kept his fingers crossed at all times, just in case.

Dean hoisted himself up of the chair and carefully laid Jack into his crib, remembering to raise the side and turn on the nightlight before he left the nursery and found his cell phone. He called Sam to let him know he thought he would be having the baby tonight or tomorrow. Then he called Ellen and Bobby, to alert them as well. Ellen and Bobby would be coming to the house to take care of Jack since Sam and Jessica had six month old Henry at home now.

His last call was to Benny since he knew his husband was cooking on the line tonight. Benny answered, “Hey darlin’, feelin’ alright?”

“Yeah, Jack’s out like a light, and I’m good. How do you feel about having a baby tonight or tomorrow?” Dean teased.

“Really? Is it your time, Dean?” Benny asked in his old fashioned way. “I think it’s starting. I was gonna climb in the tub, see if I could help it along. Any chance you could get out a little early tonight?”

Benny’s voice was about 6 octaves higher than normal when he responded, “I’ll be right up, I’ll get-“

“Benny, babe…I’ve had maybe three contractions. You can finish the line, I just meant could they clean without you. I’m going to climb in the bathtub and relax for a while, I think Ellen and Bobby are coming over. You finish your line and come home with a piece of pie for me when you’re done, okay?” Dean said in hopes of calming Benny down.

“I love you Dean, my darlin’, are you sure you’re okay?” Benny asked sounding much less anxious. Benny’s concern and his attention always made Dean feel warm all the way to his toes. “I promise, Benny. I’m fine. I’ll even wait for Ellen and Bobby to come before I get in the bath, okay?”

“Alright, darlin’, It’s seven thirty now, I’ll be home in at nine instead of ten, how’s that?”

“Perfect Benny, just like you.” Dean answered as they said goodbye.

Ellen texted saying they would move into the guest room tonight if that was okay so no one had to worry if he and Benny went to the hospital in the night. Dean was setting up a labor area in the living room as his parents came through the door. He had been having contractions, nothing organized yet, but he just had that feeling. Ellen helped him into the tub, his balance left a lot to be desired as of late.

That is where Benny found him when he got home at nine, in the tub, lights lowered, candles lit, hypno cd playing, breathing and relaxing. Dean told Benny to shower off the diner grime and then join him, requested pie long forgotten.

It seemed as though Dean’s labor was going to be as easy as his entire pregnancy had been and by midnight he told Benny he thought they should all Cas and go to the hospital.

Bobby drove them in the Impala and Dean was quiet and calm the whole trip with his head on Benny’s shoulder. They arrived and were in a room by two in the morning. It just so happened that Tessa was on duty and Dean couldn’t help but be relieved about that as she did an initial exam and found Dean to be dilated to seven already.  Cas arrived shortly after and things got intense.

“Alright Dean…that’s it darlin’…you’re breathing so well,” Benny encouraged as Dean’s eyes widened at the strength of the contractions. He began to hum away the pain, one hand low on his belly, the other gripping a handful of Benny’s flannel shirt, head buried in Benny’s neck.

Before long Dean was pushing and at 6:23 am on Monday October 24, Marigold Ellen Winchester Lafitte came into the world weighing seven pounds even and 20 inches long. Dean and Benny cried for the first time since his labor started, relieved that Dean and their baby girl were healthy and in part for the fact that a sweet rose themed nursery that had stood empty for so long would finally be filled with the joy for which it was intended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this makes it all better!
> 
>  
> 
> I would love to hear what you think...

**Author's Note:**

> Comments welcome...come on readers...


End file.
